I work with a lot of clients who want to enhance their relationships with their spouses or partners. Well, yeah...who wouldn't? Throughout our conversations I find that part of the challenge people run into with their intimate partners is that they speak different "love languages." This term comes from a book with the same title written by Gary Chapman.
Basically, Chapman says, we all have a primary "love language" that we tend to hear and understand better than all the others. When our partners speak to us in our primary love language, we tend to be receptive and feel more intimate and contented. Problems arise when we speak to our partners in our own love language rather than theirs, which ends up yielding a "lost in translation" effect on the relationship, often leaving both partners frustrated and less connected than they want to be.
So, a great way to enhance both connection and communication with your partner is to identify which love language is his/her primary language and then learn to interact with him/her using that language. And fortunately it's not that tough to do but it yields an outstanding return on investment--a more fulfilling relationship. I'm not sure about you, but my years in French class certainly didn't produce those kind of results (although I did master a variety of ways to request more cheese with a rather poor accent). Back to the topic at hand.
The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation (the things you say--and how you say them--that convey love and affection for your partner); Quality Time (time spent together offering your undivided attention); Receiving Gifts (items that serve as symbols that you were thinking of the other person); Acts of Service (things you do to show that the other person is important to you); and Physical Touch (explicit physical connection for the purpose of demonstrating love--not just sex!).
Try having a conversation with your partner about which of these languages "speaks" to him/her best. Then, test the waters for a few weeks by communicating using his/her preferred love language rather than your own. You might be pleasantly surprised at how appreciative your partner will be, as well as how much more responsive he/she will be to your needs and desires. Everyone wins when communication, connection, and intimacy are enhanced. Basically it boils down to this: being bilingual has its benefits!
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