Living With Intention

In The Moment

My wonderful friend Debbie just shared the following quote with me, which I think is a fitting concept to meditate on as we exit 2006 and enter 2007.  Wishing you joy and blessings in this moment and in all those to come!

"When we embrace the quiet times, we open our hearts to the gift and the profound purpose of the moment. Often this is when we discover the real beauty our souls are made of, the undaunted strength of our faith, and the wondrous miracle it is just to be alive."  Flavia

The Big Power of Small Changes

I had a great conversation with a client the other day, and subsequently with one of my best friends, about the big power of small changes.  I think we all tend to brace ourselves for radical and immediate changes in our lives, and then we get disappointed when we're not able to sustain those changes over time.  Whether you're focusing on health or business, relationships or finances, I'm growing increasingly convinced that radical changes lead more to radical setbacks than to radical success.

So, we got to talking about how people tend to make meaningful, long-term change in their lives and all three of us determined that there is big power in small changes.  So you want to start working out more often?  Most people, in a New Years' Resolution (or mid year overhaul) delusion, set huge, lofty goals to work out 5 times per week for 1 hour each time.  This equates to going from zero to sixty in a fraction of a second.  What about starting small and methodical, and building to big and habitual?  Can you commit to 10 minutes a day 3 times this week...then 4 times next week...then 5 times the following?  Then can you up it to 15 minutes a day 3 times one week...then 4 times the next...you get my picture?

If your finances are a mess, rather than changing everything today--your spending, your saving, your tracking, your thought processes--is it possible you'd be more likely to create lasting change if this week you focused on knowing where you stand and how you spend your money now, next week on curbing your excess spending, and the next week creating a system of debt reduction that meets your needs?

You can take this approach to anything from enhancing your marriage to organizing your office, and everything in between.  The only real rules of thumb are to: 1) take immediate, consistent, thoughtful action and 2) do more of the same tomorrow...and next week...and next month.  Huge improvements happen as the result of meaningful and frequent tiny steps. 

Give it a try...think of one specific area of your life and decide on the small change you'll make today.  And then choose another tomorrow or next week.  And then another.  You'll be blown away at the transformation that happens when you harness the big power of small changes.   

Tweak of the Week

I was meeting with one of my very favorite clients yesterday--a successful, warm, motivated woman.  She was struggling with implementing some changes in her work/life balance.  This woman is used to creating radical and highly productive shifts in her business landscape and her client's businessess--a tour de force in professional expertise.

As such, she's been a bit hard on herself for not experiencing more breakthroughs in her work/life balance.  I thought for a few minutes and realized that perhaps part of her struggle was that she was expecting too much too fast and then berating herself when she didn't achieve her personal goals with the same precision and certainty she seems to enjoy in her professional life.

It dawned on me that we needed a different approach.  As I tell all of my audiences and readers, lasting change can take a bit of time and effort, but it's worth it.  Small steps today lead to huge changes over time.  You need to give yourself the grace and space to evolve into the new you.  One way to do that is to consider foregoing the traditional "mega life overhaul" in favor of a more psyche-friendly "tweak of the week." 

A tweak of the week is just a thoughtful process of identifying the successes and challenges you had in the preceding week toward reaching your new goal, and then to decide on one or two small tweaks to refine your efforts this week to yield more of those successes and fewer of those challenges.

Seems like this might be a more deliberate and friendly way to go about creating profound change in your life.  Rather than beating yourself up over what you didn't do or how long it will take to do what you want to or....any number of things....why not identify what's working, do a little more of that and identify what's not working, and do a little more of that?

What could be your "tweak of the week" this week?

Self-care Rituals

My daughter Malina may be the only 4-year-old alive who takes aromatherapy-scented bubble baths in a darkened room lit only by the gentle glow of candle light while soft, soothing classical music envelops her senses. 

It dawned on me that she does this because she's observed me do it on so many occasions that she must have finally thought to herself "there must be something to this."  Indeed, she has found, there is something to this.  I chock this one up as a big old "win" in the parenting department.

What if we taught all 4-year-olds to identify self-care rituals that helped them relax their body and reframe their thinking?  How would the world be different if kids learned early on that by taking a few sacred moments on a regular basis to do something healthy for body, mind, and spirit?  How would our frenzy-saturated adult lives be different if we learned as kids that the world won't stop spinning if you take 10 minutes to recharge your own batteries?

Hmmm...food for thought, don't you think?  Or food for the soul.  Or both.  Why not give a little self care a try today and see what you think?

On Commitment

I'm baaaack.  Yes, it's been an insane length of time since I've last blogged but I'm ready to fill the airwaves with insight and good will.  I'm committed.

Nice segue into a powerful quote from German philosopher Goethe, which gave me pause to ponder and then cause to say, "YES!"  Thought I'd share it here as a testament to my personal commitment to blog more frequently, but more as a suggestion that we all meditate a bit on the power of committing.  It's amazing what inspiration, energy, and resources flow to us when we simply commit to a decision with our whole being.  My husband and I are experiencing the glory of this with a few major business decisions we made just weeks ago and are stunned by the results.  Food for thought, eh? 

Incidentally, this quote appears in Joe Vitale's phenomenal book, The Attractor Factor--a must-read about how the Law of Attraction can transform your life.  Here goes...

"Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness.  Concerning all acts of initiative there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and endless plans:  That the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves, too. 

All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred.  A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. 

Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it!  Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."  (Wolfgang Von Goethe)

So, today, I urge you to be bold.  Commit to something unabashedly, wholly, and, if I might suggest, with giddy anticipation.  May you be blown away (in a good way, that is) by the results!

Cheers!

Random Wow Factor Moment

I'm buzzing along here, trying with every fiber of my being to avoid mowing through the inordinately overwhelming heaps of dirty laundry in my house.  I contemplate my new mediterranean eating habits while gnawing on a chocolate chip cookie, leaf distractedly through my latest Writer's Digest (rather than actually writing), and sing a few exceptionally grating show-tune renditions of children's songs with my daughter.  Still the laundry beckons.

I call my stepdaughter, Rhiannon, to inquire about the progress on her new home, which is closing this week.  Satisfied that I am up to speed on the status of the new carpet debacle and, even more satisfied that it is her carpet debacle and not my own (trust me, I have a sufficient number of my own debacles as of late to willingly take on others'), I hang up the phone.  Still the laundry beckons. 

I log on to rabidly purge the latest flood of spam in my in-box, meander the web for a few moments searching for fabulous products for my new women's venture, and  gently wade into the land of online shopping cart research.  Still the laundry beckons.

And then it happened.  The purpose of my laundry-avoidance escapade smacked me in the forehead.  I stumbled across Carla Blazek's (owner of the fabulous Zena Moon, Gifts for the Spirit) blog.  Her most recent posting, Open Up and Say Whoa, really spoke to me.  The post references a wonderful passage from Jennifer Louden, which reads:

Whenever life makes itself known to you,
there is your path.
Whenever desire gives her come hither look,
whenever trust flutters its wings,
whenever mystery is received into your belly,
there is your path.

Whenever time turns into prayer,
whenever love jiggles the doorknob,
whenever you rest in witnessing,
There is your path.
Jennifer Louden

Like Carla, this passage was a random wow factor moment for me.  It made me stop, reflect, and decide that today...my path is out the door, away from the laundry, seeking what life has to offer.  And so, the laundry still beckons and I can't hear it.  Because thankfully I'm on my path, miles away from it!

Your Real Age--Health Info You'll Want to Know

My good friend, Kate Spencer, editor of Imagine Magazine, recently turned me on to the Real Age website.  This is a fabulous (and fabulously free!) resource from Dr. Mike Roizen and Dr. Mehmet Oz, authors of the bestselling book, You:  The Owner's Manual.  The coolest tool on this site is the Real Age Test, a free online assessment that can tell you how your health history and lifestyle habits are impacting your well-being and your aging process. 

After completing the assessment, you will receive a personalized report detailing your Real Age, which could be substantially different from your chronological age, due to the vast array of factors that contribute to your health status.  So, if you are a smoker who eats huge quantities of red meat and never exercises, your real age might be significantly higher than your chronological age.  And, if you eat a healthy, diverse diet, exercise reguarly, and have a wide network of social support, your real age might be notably lower than your chronological age.

After learning the factors that are contributing to your Real Age, the website also provides you with a complimentary report detailing which health and lifestyle habits are enhancing and which are detracting from your well-being.  It also provides you with recommendations on how you can influence your health--and your Real Age--in positive ways by focusing on factors ranging from diet, physical activity, and emotional health, to stress, sleep habits, and even cell phone usage. 

I can't say enough good things about this site and the quality resources it provides, including its Real Age Tip of the day.  Log on to Real Age now to see for yourself and to learn some simple, proven tips for improving your health, well-being, and how well you age!

When Good Fun Goes Bad...and Then Good Again

As most of you know, I'm a huge fan of fun and laughter.  I think there's quite a scarcity of it in the world, so I do my best to add a dose here and there as I can.  It's as much a good will effort as a form of entertainment.

Since it's a well-known statistic that children laugh roughly 400 times per day, while adults laugh only 15 or so, one of my favorite ways to seek out joy when I need a serious dose of it is to consult my daughter Malina, who has provided me with three and a half years of well-timed and thoughtfully-executed humor.  So, on the day in question, I sought her out for a serious bout of silliness.  All went well until IT happened.  It's a tale of when good fun goes bad...and then goes good again.

Mal and I were hanging out having a bit of "girl time," chatting it up (as she calls it) and interspersing a few rowdy song and dance hits to liven things up a bit.  She suggested a rousing version of "John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt," which I gladly accommodated.  Round about the third or fourth verse, things started getting out of hand. 

There were flailing limbs to contend with, dance moves that, had they not been performed by a toddler, I would say closely approximated the Lambada (the forbidden love dance), and some serious butchering of vocal nuance on both our parts.  It was all too fun until an unfortuante tragedy struck.  Ok fine.  It wasn't really a tragedy.  But it was unfortunate.

During a complicated but highly entertaining Vogue-pose (I give it a 9.9 for technical difficulty), Malina accidentally gashed my face with her tiny, razor-like fingernail.  How their teeny-weeny little nails get that sharp I'll never know.  Honestly, it felt like a CSI episode, where they show in minute detail the gory up-close aspects of how trauma affects the body. 

I instinctively shrunk back and cradled my cheek in my hand and she immediately stopped her vaudeville routine long enough to give me her best "Home Alone" expression (picture McCauley Culkin with his hands on his cheeks, eyes like saucers, lips pursed into a tiny round "o.").  She was shocked and, being a rather emotionally savvy pre-schooler (yes, it's possible), looked at me with compassion, and then with pain, knowing that she had been the one who caused my discomfort.

I gave it about 30 seconds to get over the shock of an unexpected playtime injury like this and assured her it would be just fine and that finishing our song was of great importance.  Then, of course, I realized that the song never really ends...so how could we finish it?  I figured we'd come up with a way to create the grand finale.  The point was, the show must go on.

I decided the wound would heal (evidently not quickly, though, much to my dismay), but I'd never have another moment exactly like this one to good naturedly massacre a dearly-loved children's song with my daughter (though we do make many attempts together).  So I'll have a scar.  But I'll also have a great cocktail-party story for anyone who asks about it.  And, I'll have the sheer pleasure of reflecting on a blessed few moments of uninhibited, unadulterated, laugh-unti-you-cry (or, in this case, cry-until-you-laugh)  connection with my daughter.  That's worth a wound or two, don't you think?  It's a small price to pay for a big dose of good fun.

The Power of Choice

Choice is one of the most powerful strategies we can use to design a wildly fulfilling and remarkably successful life.  If you have read Living With Intention (if you havent, learn about it here), you know that I focus extensively on your ability to choose your attitude and your actions in any situation.  While we can't always influence a situation 100%, we always can influence the way we perceive it and the way we interact with it.  And ultimately, that leads to more fulfillment, meaning and purpose over the long haul.

I stumbled across a thought-provoking post about the power of choice on Brad Swift's Living and Working on Purpose blog, and thought you might enjoy it.  Read it here and see what it can do to help you reflect on the power of choice in your life.  Choice is an amazing gift and a door to unlimited opportunity.  Interestingly, it just takes the effort of choosing to open it.

Love Languages--Benefits of Being Bilingual

I work with a lot of clients who want to enhance their relationships with their spouses or partners.  Well, yeah...who wouldn't?  Throughout our conversations I find that part of the challenge people run into with their intimate partners is that they speak different "love languages."  This term comes from a book with the same title written by Gary Chapman. 

Basically, Chapman says, we all have a primary "love language" that we tend to hear and understand better than all the others.  When our partners speak to us in our primary love language, we tend to be receptive and feel more intimate and contented.  Problems arise when we speak to our partners in our own love language rather than theirs, which ends up yielding a "lost in translation" effect on the relationship, often leaving both partners frustrated and less connected than they want to be. 

So, a great way to enhance both connection and communication with your partner is to identify which love language is his/her primary language and then learn to interact with him/her using that language.  And fortunately it's not that tough to do but it yields an outstanding return on investment--a more fulfilling relationship.  I'm not sure about you, but my years in French class certainly didn't produce those kind of results (although I did master a variety of ways to request more cheese with a rather poor accent).  Back to the topic at hand.

The five love languages are:  Words of Affirmation (the things you say--and how you say them--that convey love and affection for your partner); Quality Time (time spent together offering your undivided attention); Receiving Gifts (items that serve as symbols that you were thinking of the other person); Acts of Service (things you do to show that the other person is important to you); and Physical Touch (explicit physical connection for the purpose of demonstrating love--not just sex!).

Try having a conversation with your partner about which of these languages "speaks" to him/her best.  Then, test the waters for a few weeks by communicating using his/her preferred love language rather than your own.  You might be pleasantly surprised at how appreciative your partner will be, as well as how much more responsive he/she will be to your needs and desires.  Everyone wins when communication, connection, and intimacy are enhanced.  Basically it boils down to this:  being bilingual has its benefits!